He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
