Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
