trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
