You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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