The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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