i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
