I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
