have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
