Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
