he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
