is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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