Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
