I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
