But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
