Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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