..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
