Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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