what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
