Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
