No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
