i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
