billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
