I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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