you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
