Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
