Don't make out with my wife yet
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
A bitchslap is in order.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
