Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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