Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
