Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
