I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
