he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
