I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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