I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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