Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
