i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
