The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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