24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
