Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
