Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
