did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
