I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
