i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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