just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
