I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
