I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
