His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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