I can tuck mytits in my pants
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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