I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
