You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
