im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
