If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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