Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
